Are We Ever Truly Adults?

                                            ADOLESCENCE 

                          Sexual                                       Economic
1820              16-18  years                             18-20 years
2013             12- 14   years                            26-28 years

Brother Williams shared this shocking statistic in class and I found it to be muy interesante. Adolescence is the age between when we start to develop sexually (puberty) and become stable and dependent financially. I guess after that we are considered an adult. Haha yeah right. Are we ever truly adults? Let me explain this chart a bit. So in the early 1800's a person went through puberty, girls started having menstrual cycles when they were about 16 years old. Now of days if your 16 years old and still haven't developed in this way you are considered a late bloomer. In this blog entry I would like to focus more on this aspect of the statistics:  In the early 1800's when someone moves out of the house officially and become financially stable for them selves was around 20 years old. In 2013 this does not usually happen until a person is 26. Think about that.  26?!?!? If I am not financially stable for myself by them someone slap me. It is becoming the common trend that people do not get off of parents insurance or even move out of the house until 26.  This shocked me, especially that the social norm in 1820 was that those people who started a life for themselves did so at 20 years old. That would be like me right now being completely economically dependent. CRAZY. I don't know about you, but I am not at that point yet. This difference in ages of adolescence has changed drastically. I believe it has change in this way because of the world we live in. Kids these days do not have to work for what they have. If they want something, it is simple, as mom and dad for it. I think we need to train our kids to be appreciative for all the things they have, their beds, their toys, the food on the table. If we raise a generation like this, we may be able to get this world a little bit back on track. It is not until that child is pushed out of their comfort zone and have to pay for more of their own things do they learn the importance and value of something as simple as toothpaste. Living on my own, having to pay for all my necessary items I find that I tend to go without somethings that once used to be a necessity for me simply because spending my precious money on it is not worth it. These statistics were shocking but I know exactly why they changed the way they did. Let's change our ways and not only become more grateful for what we have, but to work for what we have. 

Let's Maintain an Eternal Relationship

Well the semester is slowly winding down to an end. That means 1.) Christmas is coming! 2) I get to go home to Maryland! 3.) FAMILY 160 is ending...wahhh. Okay so this past week we have been talking about divorce. I will be blunt as blunt can be. I DO NOT LIKE THIS TOPIC. However, divorce is a real thing and we as young adults need to be educated about it in order to avoid it. So in this entry I will share my thoughts on divorce, in stead of what I learned in class. Here it goes, Divorce is real. In class we discussed a case study concerning divorce and how it effects all people in the family. When a a couple gets divorced and has small kids, those kids are effected by it even if it all happened when the kids were young enough to not remember it. Those children will grow up without one parent or in a broken home. That is detrimental to a child. It is detrimental for a parent to watch that happen. I am not sure how people do it based off of choice. I recognize in some cases one partner has been faithful to the end, but it leaves that faithful person no choice than to divorce their unfaithful spouse. I feel divorce is only 100% necessary if severe adultery has been involved. There are many different scenarios for divorce. I hope that I can do everything in my power to avoid divorce. It is completely appropriate for all people to be educated about this and taught correct principles on how to maintain a loving relationship. In another class I am currently enrolled in we learned 4 steps to maintain an eternal relationship, and I will leave you with these steps.

Brother Beans Eternal Relationship Maintenance Theory

1.) Fall into lust (Physical)
2.) Fall into Love (Emotional)
3.) Fall out of Love ( Mortal/Real)
4.) Learn to Love (Eternal)

All couples fall out of love. Many older married people say something along these lines "there are days when I couldn't stand to be with them, but I never fell out of love"- you are denying you fell out of love yet you described exactly that. You can fall out of Love, its okay to admit, what makes relationships work is making it to the fourth step, learning to love.

Divorce. Is that a Crime?

Divorce. Is that a crime? Naa. I know plenty of great people, even faithful members of the church who have gotten divorced, and remarried. I do not think those people are bad, or that they are beneath anybody. Could these people have saved their marriage? In some cases its not up to both people to get divorced, one partner decides. In class there were several shocking statistics that Brother Williams threw out to us. My personal thoughts on divorce are please never happen to me. There is so much that goes into divorce, so many factors that lean towards divorce. I am no divorce expert, I don't have much advice for divorce or knowledge on it. I just know that It is a hard, long process that simply sucks, but here is what I want to touch upon: in the Young Single Adult LDS world people are so focused on marriage. What happend to having fun? being relaxed with dating and letting it all come naturally, with some effort? The common classic situation is two people start dating, two months later they are engaged and three months later married. This is how it seems at least. I believe that when people do start approaching marriage, they rush through some steps. This may be the number one cause for divorce among LDS people.Here is an example, someone real close to me is dating this boy. I know for a fact that this boy is ready for marriage and wants to marry my friend, there is just one problem, my friend is not ready to be married. If they rush through this, this relationship could end badly. Both people would be devastated and hurt. It is common for lots of young people to marry to quickly and divorce a few years later. I do not want this for my friend, or for anyone. When this happens, let's not change communication or relationships, lets change perspective and enhance relationships.  Concerning marriage: let's be mindful, careful, yet faith filled when dealing with the developing relationships.

For the Experience...

Parenting can be rough, I mean I only Imagine, I am not a parent, but I do get to watch my sister's parent their small children. I love watching them being moms because I get to see up close and up front what it is like to be a parent. Of course I do not get the actual experience of being an Aunt because I am not a Mom I just simply observe the difficult situations that My sister's have to deal with or the joys of being a mother. We learn by experience and that is how most people will learn how to parent. I am sure I will learn by experience of trial and error. That is why the first child is always considered the guinea pig. Growing up I never learned life lessons by getting a lecture from my dad, or activities my mom set up to teach me. I learned by making my own mistakes and having to deal with the natural consequence. I can also say being the youngest I have learned many lessons by watching my older siblings go through the experience. Brother would kick my sister and they would be punished so I took a mental note. "don't kick sister" I learned how to make my way without getting in trouble by situations like that. Lets take the experience and make it into a lesson we all need to learn. I know no one knows what they are getting themselves into when they become parents, but through experience we will learn.

The Parentals.

We are given a family so we can have a safe environment to learn and grow. Our Heavenly Father sends us to families for this reason. There are many, many, many people who don't end up with this luxury and it pains me to know that. I had a splendid childhood, I learned a lot about life growing up, and I am still growing up and learning about life. Being a parent is a luxury many people do not get to have. There are so many people, couples, friends that I know who have not been able to start a family with kids. Why do some people not want to be parents when they are able, and some who want to be parents are not able? It is so strange, but this is a trial some people have to endure. I know for many women it is a fear of theirs of not being able to have children because they want that experience of having children and all the pains and joys that come with it. There are endless possibilities to why we parent, but here are just a few:

1) develop a compacity to love

2) learn how to understand Heavenly Father

3) Become selfless

4) It has been commanded

5) Grow as a person, and in relationships

these are just five simple reasons people become parents. Now I am not trying to persuade anybody to become a parent I Just want to share  my value for parents. I know many parents who are not LDS and yes, they are great parents and show their kids love and compassion as well as disipline. I admire that, but with the gospel we can do so much more. 

Family like Friends

Brother Williams posed a question that I found interesting. What would your family be like if you made a distinct effort to try to get to know them. I then posed this similar question for myself. "what would my family be like if I treated them like I do my best friends?" this is a valid question. Would my relationships be stronger with my siblings if I was polite to them like my friends, if I joked around with them like my friends? I talk to my family differently, topics discussed are different, information is different. Would my relationships with my parents and siblings be better if I treated them just like I do my best friends. I believe my friends probably know me more deeply. nothing bad, my relationship with my family is great, don't get me wrong I just wonder could my relationship be better? for example, I never, ever, ever talk about boys with my family. I just don't I have nothing worth telling them, but with my friends we talk about boys all the time. We talk about our dreams and aspirations and such, with my family we talk about family stuff and things we all have in common right then. I often find myself showing more love to my friends then my family which is not good. My friends know i am thankful for them and that i appreciate them. my family knows this too, but I never say it. Is this making sense? I am more polite towards my friends cause I don't want to loose them. I am relaxed with them, and joke around with them, but our relationships are built off of consideration where as my family relations are built off of being together forever. Just like i do not want to upset a roommate cause I have to live with them for another semester; i should not want to upset a family member because I have them for eternity.So here it is, I am giving my self this challenge as well as all other fellow bloggers who are actually reading this cause I bet I have tens of billions of people reading this very post. yeah I said it.Here is my challenge. Treat your family like you do your friends. lets do it! This should be interesting!!!

I've got the POWER

Power can be a great or devastating aspect to a family. If power is handled in the right way it is beautiful in the family dynamics. When I think of power i think of the terms: respect, control, dominance, authority, presiding, and so on. Some of these terms can have a negative connotation and other terms give a warm spiritual relation. This exemplifies the fact that power is wonderful and needed, but when taken advantage of is detrementing to a family. We must have referent power. This is the type of power you give to someone because you love them, you listen to your parents because you love them. As a child you give them that power because they have it and the more you honor that the more your home will be at peace.We need to learn respect and by watching those who abuse power does not make it easy for a person to automatically give their respect. Power goes hand in hand with respect, with out respect we do not have any positive relationships. All relationships we are involved in should be based off of respect, it is a key factor into holding authority in a powerful way. (see what I did there)
In marriage we are told to not overuse our power, if power becomes manipulating, that is when we have let the power get out of hand. Many people get divorced over this conflict of, "Who has more power?" I say Let's share the power, delegate task, compromise and RESPECT one another.